Grown up

When was the first time you really felt like a grown up (if ever)?

A traumatic experience at five made me mature too quickly, though I’ve blocked it out. Others remember it, but I’ve suppressed the memory. I obviously remember the acts because I tried to reenact them. By age seven, I was shopping for my mom and serving as her assistant, a role she doesn’t recall. Her ability to forget hurt me. Even now, I dislike grocery shopping. Arranging her last rites and handling her belongings also made me feel prematurely grown. To compensate for missing out on childhood, I played with Barbies until 10, despite peers saying it was too old. I almost started collecting dolls but decided to make myself one in my early 20s.

My divorce and solitude made me acknowledge my childish behavior’s role in its demise. My childhood defined me; I left a lasting impression on a young boy, who recalled me showcasing both childlike and mature qualities. We are engaged. I was raised to be grown, and to stay in a place of a child. I am not complaining. I am grateful I had an upbringing way better than most. Just don’t remember being a kid. I have always feel in some sense grown.