To: Mom

I lost my mother after a month long battle with pneumonia. She went in April 27th and died May 27th. Here are a few things I wrote in her memory:

 A letter to my mother 

Dear mom I know you see my pain.

I recognize your struggle and I never was ashamed.

The messed up part is you didn’t see your worth.

You carried your pain from the cradle to the dirt. 

I wish you understood that man didn’t deserve you.

It pains me that you never saw your value.

but I say thank you God because I know you see it now.

I know you have a smile as you’re looking down. 

I have to forgive for both me and you 

and all the others who don’t even have a clue .

There were times I was so angry at you I couldn’t hold your hand 

and you kept telling me God had a bigger plan. 

Who knew the bigger plan was letting go 

and you had it written so plainly so that I would know.

I am still blinded by choice you made to leave 

I wish I had a safe and quiet place to grieve 

Mom, you will always have my heart. August 9th 2021

I couldn’t bring you back

IF I COULD

I wouldn’t bring you back

I would just go back…

I wouldn’t lengthen time

I would go to a time 

That was just our time 

If your purpose was your kids 

Then I would be that kid 

That super bad ass kid

Who didn’t do so well

So you would say well,

I guess I have to do well.

Just so you would say 

My end I must delay 

Just another day. June 19, 2021